|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 6, 2011 3:59:46 GMT 10
Bella looked at Jake with a bit of her own curiousity. Something seemed off when she asked him to go to her house and speak to Charlie about her going to New York. She wasn't sure if it was because it was her dad that the two had to talk to or the fact she had agreed to go with him. Maybe deep down he hadn't really wanted her to go?
Bella sunk her hands into the pockets of her jeans and said as nonchallantly as she could to Jake. "Yeah, well... I should be heading home. I.. I have to make dinner for Charlie." Browns remained on him a moment longer then she turned and headed towards her truck. "I'll see you later Jake. " She got to her truck and then turned back to look at Jake. "Jake, welcome home again." She smiled at him and then went to open the door of the truck and slipped into the drivers side spot.
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 6, 2011 4:26:08 GMT 10
He watched her walking away from him slowly. His hands gripped slightly with the thought of her leaving him so soon. He really didn't want her to leave already. It was the last thing he wanted. As she got into the truck, he quickly ran after her. "Do you have to? I've missed you so much Bella. Have dinner over here if you want," he smiled slightly but his eyes were basically begging her.
At that point, he had forgotten all reason for not wanting to see Charlie. He just wanted to see her for some more. Two years of not seeing her had been truly too many within his eyes. He suddenly started to wonder how he had done without her for so long. He just wanted her and her alone in his life now. If he could only have her in his life, that would be more than enough. It was the only thing he wanted and needed.
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: E.T - Katy Perry Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 6, 2011 4:31:49 GMT 10
In Bellas right hand were the keys to start the truck. They had just lifted when she looked to the side and noticed that Jake was there at the door and when he asked her not to leave, her hand lowered back to her lap. She leaned towards the open window and extended on hand out as if to reach out and touch his hair that was no longer there. A part of her, a great big part of her, had missed his long hair. It was so long. So beautiful. It was as if Bella was imagining it falling through her fingers.
She then lowered her hand to his chest and spoke. "Are you sure its alright for me to stay for dinner? I'll have to call Charlie and all." She pulled her hand back and started to open the door of her truck. She slid out of it and shut it behind her and looked back to Jake. " Are you okay? You looked as if you weren't sure about talking to Charlie with me on going to New York."
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 6, 2011 4:42:29 GMT 10
Carefully with watching her reaction of his words, he could see that she was in wonder of something. He tilted his head to the side with seeing her hand on the side of the door like she was touching something he couldn't see. She smiled with looking down to her hand upon his chest as she spoke. "Of course it is," he said with great excitement. He really couldn't remember the last time they had dinner together. It had been far too long.
He smiled widely with seeing her getting out the truck. It was a scene that he had never thought that he would be so grateful to see. This meant everything to him. As her gaze met him as looked up to him, he suddenly bit his lower lip with hearing her words. He quickly skipped her question about him being okay. "It wasn't anything to do with that Bella," he half scoffed, trying to down play his answer like it wasn't anything.
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: Another Life - The Veronicas Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 6, 2011 17:56:38 GMT 10
"Then what does it have to do with Jake?" She came up to his side and looked at him curiously. One of the things about Bella was that she didn't let up on things when she should. It just wasn't in her nature to. With a sighed breath she reached out for his hand and took ahold of it in her own tightly. " Jake, why do you always do that? You begin to say stuff and then you grow hesitant. I might start thinking you don't mean how you feel about me if you keep that up. "
Yes, she knew she was pressuring him in a way but she hadn't really cared. She wanted to know what it was he was thinking. She was always open with him. Well...to a degree anyhow. She normally struggled with her own feelings when it came to Jake, but the two of them knew that about herself. She couldn't change how she was when it came to Jake. Deep down she knew she loved her best friend deeply. He had been there for her when no other was...but ..on that flip side, she knew when he got hurt, he ran. That scared her as much as her love for him does. She looked down then at that thought and tried not to think of that while she kicked at a few pebbles in the dirt.
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 6, 2011 18:10:07 GMT 10
He grimaced slightly with hearing her direct question. There wasn't any way out of answering a direct question like that without lying and he hated lying to her no matter the reasons behind it. He bit his lower lip and licked his upper for starting to explain. "I got into some . . . trouble back in New York," he murmured almost silently but just loud enough for her to hear it. He knew he was really in for it now. He knew he was going to be in huge trouble with Rachel once he had told her, but Bella, this was going to be a billion times worse . . . but he could handle it. He hoped. . .
He looked down to her hand within his as she hold of it tightly. He squeezed her hand back slightly and smiled at her, thinking just how beautiful the contrast was of their skin. He looked back up to her as she questioned him again. He sighed, staring into her eyes. "That's not true Bella. I say what I mean, that's my problem." He paused for a moment, looking away from her slightly. "I keep slipping up. I don't mean to say somethings and it just slips out, because its the truth." He shook his head, not knowing what more he could say to explain things to her.
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: Another Life - The Veronicas Lyrics by:: --
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 6, 2011 18:21:04 GMT 10
Bella wasn't sure she wanted to hear it once she had. He had gotten into trouble while he was away for those two years? Just what was he saying to her? What had happened exactly? She pulled her hand from him and came around to stand in front of him and looked deep into his eyes. Her own eyes filled with worry and concern. " Jake? What happened? What did you do? Tell me. I want to know.. It can't be that bad.. could it?"
Of course she was thinking things like people found out what he was and hurt him or his anger got the best of him and he got into some fights. " Jake, you didn't do something stupid, did you?" She eyed him suspiciously. It wasn't a hidden fact that Jake had a temper, especially since he had become a wolf. What worried Bella the most though? Was the fear of losing him. She didn't want his temper coming out and something happening to him because of that. The loss of Jake again would just destroy her to no end.
When he started saying it wasn't like how she was sensing, she huffed out at him. " Jake, then how is it? You say you love me and told me you would never leave me, yet you did. You said you got close to someone out there in New York but its not like that.. that it can never be like that because Im your imprint..then...you...you..say you dont mean to say some things but do anyhow. It makes me wonder if what you have said you really feel. Do you love me Jacob? Really love me? Or is this just til you leave again?" She hadn't realized how all her words came out til they had been said and she had to blink at herself. She didnt mean to sound defensive but she was. She was hurt. Two men she loved more than her own very life had left her. After promising her they wouldnt. How could any justification compare to that pain she felt for two years. From Edward, from Jake?
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 6, 2011 18:44:50 GMT 10
He bit his lip again with feeling her hand leaving his. Without her touch, his hands turned into fists at his side and slightly started to shake with all the memories of the stupid things he had done over the past two years. He couldn't believe how immature he had been! He could see the worry within her eyes as she held his gaze and heard her. "That appends on how bad you think getting into trouble with vampires, fights, having fake IDs, stealing and been arrested for the possession of illegal substances is. I've done too many stupid things over the years Bella," he murmured without looking to her. He looked back up to her after a moment, not sure of what to think was going to be her reaction. He shook his head, stepping back against the wall of his old shed while staring up at the darkened sky. He could sense that it was going to rain soon, but it was the least of his worries.
He was scared now, scared that Bella would feel the same way about him because of all the stupid things he had done over the years. He really did wish that she didn't know about all of it, but he also knew that it would come out sooner or later, and he knew that the sooner it came out, the better. He watched her carefully, wondering what she was thinking. She knew that it was really unlike him to go out looking for trouble. He hoped she would understand.
He looked up to her quickly with hearing her words. They stung slightly and caused his hands to shake slightly more. "I thought when I left, that you would be better off without me. I thought that I was only hurting you by being around. I hated seeing it Bella. But, it only seemed to get worse for the both of us while I was away. Bella. . ."" he trailed off slightly, taking a deep breath. "I didn't want to saying anything about what I had done. Everything else I've said, I've meant to say Bella. I love you more than my own life. Can't you see that?!" he questioned in a harsh tone. Her words stung more than anything he had ever felt before. He didn't know what to think anymore. It just hurt and he didn't want to feel the pain anymore. He was over the feeling of pain.
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: Another Life - The Veronicas Lyrics by:: --
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 6, 2011 22:43:41 GMT 10
Bella listened to the things that had been happening while Jacob was away in New York. She couldn't believe what she was hearing from him. Drugs? He had gotten arrested? Fighting with vampires? She wondered what vampires and if this had to do with him seeing Edward there. Bella brought up a hand and ran it through her thick strands of hair. She was trying to register all he was saying and absorb it into her thoughts. But to be honest, it was too much for her. Here he had been, Edward too for that matter, so worried two years ago about her own safety and Jake was off doing the most stupid things ever.
Bella found herself getting upset. When she got upset she cried it seemed. Her eyes misted and she lifted her right hand to point at him. I don't get the two of you. You made me promise...you and Edward, that I would do nothing stupid and you are doing it yourself! Drugs?! Jacob what has gotten into you!! Fighting with vampires? Are you trying to kill yourself so I would never have seen you again? That isn't love Jake. That is not loving me!
Bella spun on her heels and started back to her truck. She needed to breath and escape. She couldn't believe Jacob would resort to the things he had done while away.Suddenly she felt foolish for being so torn up as she had and breaking off a marriage for another man she loved who was only off killing himself.
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 6, 2011 23:10:28 GMT 10
His eyes closed with the feeling of her hand running over his hair. His eyes flashed open and up to her with sensing that she was getting upset. His hand brushed along her wrist, trying to calm her and let her know that everything was fine. His eyes narrowed with hearing her words. Before he could say anything, she turned around and started heading back toward her truck. He could sense the emotions and feelings she was having right now and could easily relate to them.
His face grimaced with his eyes closed. His hands turned in fists as he growled at himself and took off running toward her. He grabbed her wrist and stopping her from moving any farther. "Tell me why you want to turn your back right now?" he said and knew by the look in her eye that she wouldn't answer him. "I know why Bella, because I've been there! You wana escape the pain and fear don't you? So did I. Bella, the things I did were nothing to what I could have been doing. I fighting vampires to protect people and to keep the pain off of my mind. It was only once that I came across that I couldn't take and she found me! I wasn't trying to kill myself Bella, I was trying to get pass the pain, that's it!" His breath was heavy and deep now, looking into her eyes while speaking. He could still see the fear in them, but now there was also anger. He couldn't blame her. "I know the things I did was stupid Bella, but, I don't know where I would be right now if I hadn't done them. I was scared of phasing, encase I didn't phase back. I didn't know what to think, feel or say, so I go in trouble to take the fear away." He didn't know if going in detail would make things better or worse. He just wanted her to understand what he was feeling and why he had done the things he had.
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: E.T - Katy Perry Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 7, 2011 0:01:04 GMT 10
Bella paused outside of the car. She didn't want to look at Jacob right then but found herself lifting her head anyhow and brown orbs landing on his face. She searched his eyes for the things he wasn't saying or couldn't say. After a moment of wiping her tears, she whispered out to him.
I turned from you because I'm hurt Jake. Don't you understand how I feel? You both are always looking out for me. Well when you both were here. Always telling me not to do stupid things and making sure I was safe. You speak of love for me. I don't understand it. If you loved me, you wouldn't of left me. Don't you realize I did not get married to Edward because of you. You Jacob Black. I can't live without you. If something happens to you it will break me. You don't need drugs to take away the pain. What you needed was back in Forks. It was me! ME!
Something occured to her right then. She blinked and stared at Jake. Jacob, that pain, not all of it was yours. You ..it was mine.. I remember the story we were told at the fire here long ago. Remember being told you can feel the others emotions..couldn't that of been some of what you felt? Great. She had just fully admitted to Jake the extent of the pain she went through when he left her. It was like,yet so different than, what she went through when Edward left her the first time.
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 7, 2011 0:26:33 GMT 10
Listening to her words closely, he took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself as calm as he could. Her words surprised him slightly, but at the same time they didn't. His eyes closed for a moment, making sure he was calm enough to think clearly to speak the right words. "Yeah, I do, but I don't think you understand how I felt and still do. We're telling you that because you're not as inscrutable as we are. . . I told you already, I left because I thought I was hurting you. I thought that you would be and do better without me in your life. I thought that you had who you wanted in your life Bella. It hurt me to see you not knowing what to do and who to be with." He shook his head, trying to remember to stay calm around her, but it was harder than he had thought it would be to talk about. He could hear his heart beating quickly and wildly. "I knew what I needed Bella, and I know what I need now. I needed you to be mine. It hurt to see you with someone else, after everything we had gone through, after what he had done. It still hurts to think back. I needed you to take the pain away, but I couldn't depend on you to be there to do it. . . because you were with him," his voice was slightly calm and soft now. All his words were true. It was just how he felt.
His eyes closed for a moment, taking another deep breath. His eyes only reopen again when he heard her words of how she had felt while he had been gone. He hadn't even thought of that before, but it all made sense now, but still, somethings were missing. "If that was true, then, why don't you understand that I needed to escape from it all? All I wanted Bella, was to be numb and blank. I didn't want to think or feel. The things I took, stopped me from phasing. It stopped all the painful memories. . . if it didn't stop my phasing and pain, I would be a real wolf now Bella. I wouldn't have shifted back. I was scared of phasing for months because I knew that would happen if I did. I was lost Bella, and I - I still am."
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: -- Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 10, 2011 5:57:21 GMT 10
This angered her to no end how both the two thought that she needed such constant protection. " Jake I can take care of myself!" She let out a soft huff of breath. Even if she was clumsy, she wasn't going to admit to it at the moment. It would just make his own point and she was trying to defend her own, not his!
She couldn't understand how he wanted to escape his pain as he had done. Doing bad things and doing drugs on top of that, made things worse, not better in Bellas eyes. She shook her head sadly at him and took a step towards him and then paused.
"Jake, you should of not left in the first place. You are the other half to me. We are supposed to be best friends. Best friends don't leave.. I need you. I needed you then too. If you hadn't left and knew I called off the wedding, we could of been together all this time. We could of been happy.. Us. "
|
|
|
Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on Jun 10, 2011 6:37:58 GMT 10
He shook his head disagreement. Her words stung, but he truly didn't think that she would have called off the wedding if he hadn't left. He shook his head again, calming down a little. He stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly, bringing her into his chest. He just needed her there and then. He needed to feel her against him, to know that this wasn't one of those dreams he awoke from gasping. His hand brushed over the back of hers. "I'm here now, that's all that matters Bella, but I can't help but think . . . that you wouldn't have called the wedding off, unless I had took off. I'm sorry, but that is how I feel," he whispered huskily, looking down to her as his hand brushed along her side and came up her neck to her chin.
He held her gaze, looking deep within her eyes. His other hand reached up and rested over her soft heartbeat, letting him know that this was real. She was still human, alive and in front of him. She was all his. That thought alone sent a thrill through his body. He never thought that she would be his. He had lost all hope of that coming true long, long ago. He smiled slightly, shaking his head and biting his lower lip. "You have no idea, how grateful I am to hear my hearts still beating within your chest. You know my heart Bella. You always have. Ever since I first saw you, I've loved you. Ever since we were little kids, toddlers. I've loved you. The only difference now, is that my love has grown so much," he whispered faintly and truthfully..
Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Now Playing :: -- Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
|
|
|
Post by Bella Swan on Jun 17, 2011 5:09:01 GMT 10
When Jakes hands came out to embrace her body, she leaned into it with a welcomed hunger of her own. She loved how he felt against her. She loved how strong he was and hot hot his body temperature was. One thing she would never be was cold around him, that was for sure. She rested her head against her chest and brought hands to grasp at his sides lightly. While listening to his own words about how she wouldn't of called off the wedding had he not left, she growled low under her breath. " So you left to see what I would do Jacob? That wasn't right of you to do. You under estimate my feelings for you, or did, back then. You knew I loved you then. Just as I always had."
When he spoke of her beating heart, she lifted her head and looked up at him. There was a little shake of her own head at him right then. " Edwards gone Jacob, he isn't here. None of that matters now. He isn't coming home. Can't we just move on from here now? Be happy? Us? Together? Im yours...that is all that matters now. Maybe we can plan our ...own wedding?" God. In days she would realize just the web she was weaving now with those very words. Her love was still torn, just as it had always been for years. Thing was, she didn't have a clue what was coming her way in just days.
|
|