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Post by Bella Swan on May 16, 2011 5:08:28 GMT 10
Bella hadn't gone to see Jacob upon his return home for a simple reason. The feelings she had for two men, both having left her, wasn't something she wanted to feel again. Only the thoughts of Jacob got the best of her and before she had even realized what she was doing, she was in her truck and heading to La Push. Once inside the reservation and parking her truck outside the shed, Bella paused to look around. She didn't want to get out yet. She wasn't sure if she should have come here.
The Blacks house and shed seemed too quiet. Where was everyone? She remembered back when she first come back to live in Forks, how there wasn't a single day that passed which didn't seem to have someone floating by. Jacob had always told her times of how him and his friends hung around. But now? Where was everyone?
She jumped out of truck, shut the door in her wake and slowly walked towards the half open door of the shed. Bellas arms were crossed over her chest, as if she was holding herself and giving herself a hug.
As she looked inside, she immediately knew none seemed to be there. It wasn't the fact the shed was empty that had gained her attentions, it was the bikes across the barn from where she stood against the wall. Thoughts drifted back to when she and Jacob had worked on them. How things had changed since then.
She missed Jacobs laughter. She missed his heated body. How hot it was against her own bodies temperature. It was something she still never got used to, even if it were just thoughts she had now to linger on. With a soft sigh, she leaned against the shed door and stared at the bikes. Her very thoughts were on those two bikes and how she had gone riding with him.
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 16, 2011 5:29:44 GMT 10
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Coming back from running around the La Push lands, Jacob phased back on the edge of the forest. He had missed running through the forests so much. His meeting with Sam early this morning had made him realize just how much he had missed it.
Pulling his tee shirt and jeans on, he looked around his home, feeling there wasn't anyone of his family around, but something was different. His sense suddenly strengthened and turned wary. His eyes narrowed, looking around carefully. He could definitely feel there was something different about the place.
He went inside the house and checked it out. It was only when he came back out of the house, he saw the familiar red truck in the driveway did he reason what it was that was so different. He was surprised that she hadn't got a new car or truck by now. He was even more surprised when he realized the truck must still be working for it to be in his drive way."Bella?!
[/color] he shouted, looking around the house again quickly. It was when he got to the doors of the shed he saw her. " Hey,[/color]" he murmured, as he caught sight of her looking at their old motorbikes he had worked on with her to what felt like forever ago. Words: -- Status: Done Lyrics by: When It All Falls Apart - The Veronicas Notes:-- Tags: Bella
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Post by Bella Swan on May 16, 2011 5:44:10 GMT 10
She hadn't meant to spend so much time there at the shed doorway as she had, but she got lost in distant thoughts of the past. She had been so focused on those thoughts that when she heard someone yell her name, the jumpy clumbsy person she was, jumped and almost slipped off the lean she had against that narrow part of the door. Oh! She gasped and caught herself. One hand pressed to the door and the other remained out in front of her for a moment as she turned around.
Immediately coming face to face with Jacob startled her. Not in the bad sense, but immediately she felt the rising of all her emotions and love she had for Jacob. Without thinking she ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She gave him a big hug and kiss right to the corner of his lips. Surely he could see how much she missed him! You are here! I thought that my dad wasn't getting his information right.. but you are home! Ive missed you Jake!
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 16, 2011 6:01:02 GMT 10
[/center] His heart skipped a beat with the feeling of her arms wrap around his neck. He had missed her touch so much. He froze at the touch of her lips beside his. He couldn't think for a moment and when he could, he thought how stupid he was acting. Like a school girl that hadn't ever been kissed or touched before.
"I missed you too,
[/color]" he said huskily and almost silently. " How did you . . . my grandmother of a gossiping father, told your father, didn't he?[/color]" he sighed, shaking his head. He hadn't meant for many people to know he was home before he knew what he was going to do. He wasn't sure if he would be staying home for long or not. He still had things to take care of in New York. It was within the short moment of silence that he heard her heart beat. His eyes widened, shocked. He looked down to her, almost breathless. He was lost for words and confused to why she wasn't yet a vampire. She was supposed to have been married not long after he had ran off and then turned. He was so confused. His hand ran over her heart's beat, looking into her eyes and noticing their were his milk chocolate eyes that he always loved to look into. " Your hearts still beating. . . I thought. . . [/color]" he trailed off, not sure what to say now. Words: -- Status: Done Lyrics by: When It All Falls Apart - The Veronicas Notes:-- Tags: Bella
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Post by Bella Swan on May 16, 2011 6:12:44 GMT 10
Bella watched his facial expressions. How quickly they had changed when he realized she was still human and not a vampire. She had to blink. At first she wasn't sure what he was thinking, then it dawned on her. The marriage. She was supposed to been turned soon after and been married.
All she could do was shake her head in denial. None of it had happened. She could she bring herself to tell him that she had gone home, only to come back soon after. That there hadn't been a wedding. There wasn't even an Edward. She hadn't seen him, been weeks, or was it months this last time..Didn't he know half the Cullens were scattered now?
She watched him a moment longer and brought up her right hand to lay over his. Heat immediately welcomed her palm. A moment later she let her hand drop and slide it around the back of her to slide both palms into her back pockets. She took a step back and sighed softly.
I thought you might of been given word here and there as to what happened Jake. I didn't get married to Edward.. we aren't together. . I've not seen him .. in a long time. He left like you did. He returns sometimes I hear.. but I dont see much of him. Esme and Carlisle are here.. but that is all. Clearly she hadn't known that Jake had seen Edward and knew he was back. She was oblvioius to his return for the time being.
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 16, 2011 15:00:15 GMT 10
[/center] His eyes closed for a moment as her hand touched his. It felt all too good to feel that she still had a pulse within her hand. He had been so scared that he wouldn't find her with one, or around at all. He had thought that she would have been long gone.
His eyes reopened with hearing her speak. He didn't know what to do within that moment. He didn't know if to think if she had changed her mind or what. He didn't want to get his hopes up only to have them trashed right before his eyes. He couldn't stand that again. It had hurt far too much last time.
He shook his head. He hadn't heard a thing while he had been away. "Rachel told me that the Cullen's and spread out, but, I thought . . . that you would have been one of those Cullens.
[/color]" With hearing that she and Edward weren't together, a memory of Edward's words came to him. I think you should never stop trying, no matter how hard life is. [/center] He looked away, biting his lower lip. Why hadn't he said anything?! Jacob first thought when those words were said, that Edward was only trying to get him back home, but it wasn't true. They had meant more than just that. " I saw him. Twice in New York. He told me not to stop fighting for you. . . .Bella, tell me. Why aren't you with him, why didn't you get married? I thought it was what you wanted?[/color]" he murmured. His body tensed, not sure if he was strong enough to hear the truth or not. He didn't want to be hurt again, that was the reason why he had come back. He thought that she would have been long gone and the past of the two of them would have gone with her. Words: -- Status: Done Lyrics by: When It All Falls Apart - The Veronicas Notes:-- Tags: Bella
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Post by Bella Swan on May 16, 2011 23:02:21 GMT 10
Bella listened to him as he asked why she hadn't gotten married and stayed with Edward. He had said that was what he thought she wanted. Could she tell him the truth? That the reason why she couldn't go through all that was because of him? How she loved him? How torn she was between two, for different reasons and that she felt as if a huge part of her was gone? She could only look at him for a long moment in silence.
She wasn't sure what to do or say. Maybe she shouldn't of come there. No. She had to. She had to see Jacob. There was no doubt in her mind of that. But.. but.. what to say?
She slowly turned from him and offered out the smallest of sighs. Her brown eyes focused on her truck. A step was taken but she wouldn't step to far from Jake.
I am not one of the Cullens. I do see Esme alot though, but thats about it. Carlisle is here. I miss Alice. I send her emails all the time and we talk that way. She always worries about us. The last email I got from her was weird Jake. She said she said she will be back with Jasper real soon. I wonder why..
She wondered if that would work as a deterant for his other questions. Just long enough at least til she could figure out how to tell him all that had gone on. She turned back to look at him. There was a sadness to her eyes. She wanted him. She wanted to see Edward again too, but now, having heard that he had seen him and he seemed to not even want her either...he wants her with Jake.. Maybe that was how all this was to be. She just watched Jake who had been standing off a foot or two from her now.
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 16, 2011 23:26:21 GMT 10
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He become wary with hearing Bella's words. "What did she say?
[/color]" he murmured. He looked to the darkened sky suddenly." Sam said the others feel like something big is happening.[/color]" He stayed deep in thought for a moment, wondering what could be going on. He wondered if it had anything to do with human life, or their life. Whatever it was, he could sense it too. He had thought that him feeling like something coming, something happening was just because he was in a big city where a heap of things were happening at the same time. But he could even feel, sense it was he stood with Bella. He had felt it last night while talking to Sam. He sighed, shaking his head and suddenly feeling Bella was nervous again, like she used to be around him. He smirked crookedly. " Don't try and change the subject Bella,[/color]" he said looking up to her. " I'm a little more observant than I used to be... Your nervous again.[/color]" Words: -- Status: Done Lyrics by: When It All Falls Apart - The Veronicas Notes:-- Tags: Bella
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Post by Bella Swan on May 16, 2011 23:44:37 GMT 10
She frowned at Jake. Why did he have to know her so well? She hated when he done that to her. It was as if he knew her better than she knew herself! She let out a mumble and then shrugged her shoulders a little bit. There was no wedding Jake. I had called it off. Things changed for me when you left. I...
She turned from him and started walking towards the tree line in slow but steady steps. She figured he would follow her. She knew he would. He wasn't going to drop it. She knew enough of Jake to know he didn't just drop a topic.
Jake I called off the wedding because of you. When you left, I felt as if I lost my being. I wanted you so bad. I loved you.. I do still.. love you. She turned to look at him. There was something else in her eyes though. Love of two men. Not just Jake. It was so complicated. It had always been so complicated between them.
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 17, 2011 0:01:52 GMT 10
[/center] Hearing her words shocked him greatly. He searched her eyes before she turned on him and took a few steps towards the tree line. He followed her, he couldn't just let things stay where they were without knowing the full story.
He grabbed her wrist softly in his warm hand just as she turned back to him as she spoke. He shook his head, not sure what to say at that moment when she said that she loved him. He couldn't tell what kind of love she still had for him. It was confusing him greatly. He looked down deeply into her eyes, searching and he could see it. "But its not enough to know who you love more?
[/color]" he questioned. He could see that she still loved Edward, but anything apart from that, he couldn't see or understand. He shook his head in frustration, letting her hand go. He felt the same way as he had before he let, the only difference now was the fact he knew better than to get wrapped back up in the past again " Bella, I can't go through with this again. I can't and I won't.[/color]" Those words hurt him greatly, but he knew that he wasn't emotionally strong enough to go through it all again. Words: -- Status: Done Lyrics by: When It All Falls Apart - The Veronicas Notes:-- Tags: Bella
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Post by Bella Swan on May 17, 2011 0:23:43 GMT 10
She held his hand while he had ahold of it and gave it a squeeze. Short lived as it was though, because as soon as she seen that Jake was getting fustrated, he let go. She blinked hearing his words.
You know I still love you Jake. Isn't that good enough? She knew she couldn't answer his question. She couldn't choose. Yes she loved Edward. Yes, she loved Jake. But her promises she had made to Edward long ago about always loving him..she messed up huge and let herself run off with her heart when she called off the wedding to Edward.
Do you remember a long time ago how bad I got when Edward left me the first time? It was months, I locked myself in my room. It was that and worse Jake when you left. I felt blank inside. I couldn't marry Edward when I loved you both and wanted you both. I longed for you. You were my best friend Jake. You left me. He left me..Bellas head lowered. Tears started to slip from her eyes. As soon as she realized she was crying, she turned to face from Jake so he wouldn't see her tears.
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 17, 2011 0:35:31 GMT 10
He shook his head, biting his lower lip while staring down at the hard and damp ground before him. "It isn't the love of a best friend I need anymore Bella. I need what you feel for Edward.
[/color]" His eyes closed quickly as he felt his hands starting to shake. He stepped back from her, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. It had been so long since he had felt like he was going to lose it. So long in fact, he had almost forgotten how to calm himself down. He slowly opened his eyes again, watching her as she spoke. His hands still shook uncontrollably, but he still listened closely to what she had to say. " I could never forget that Bella. . . but that was just how I felt. It was how I made myself feel. You have no idea what I got myself into to get to that point of feeling blank Bella. I wanted to be blank. It was better than feeling pain.[/color]" He noticed she was suddenly crying. He sighed, closing his eyes again. He wanted to comfort her, but he felt too out of control, too close to phasing to even attempt to. It annoyed him, seeing her upset and unable to make things better. Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
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Post by Bella Swan on May 17, 2011 23:24:54 GMT 10
Bella knew it wasn't the love of a best friend he needed. She knew that all along. It was one of many thing she had struggled with all those years. Slowly she came to face him. Her cheeks wet from her tears and eyes a bit puffy and red from having been crying. She just didn't know what to say to him. I don't know what to say or do, Jake. I feel so bad that I don't, too. Am I to say yes, that it is what I want? To be yours in all ways and just forget about everything else? Would that be fair to you? To me? To Edward? I mean, I know he left too.. he told you to never stop fighting for me and you don't even. Why would he tell you that? I don't understand. He promised. He made me promises... yet, he don't even seem to care much. All this time. . You both left me.
Bella turned and started walking along the tree line but made certain that she stayed within the yard of Jakes. With a glance past him and to his house, she wondered about everyone else on the reservation. How is Sam? Rachael? I should stop by and see Sam too..today. I miss coming here.
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Post by ✯Jacob Black✯ on May 17, 2011 23:55:35 GMT 10
He shook his head, his hands turned into fists. He was only just in control. "No,
[/color]" he murmured. " I don't know what to say Bella. But people change and they change their minds, even vampires. I've changed too, but, I haven't changed my mind about you. I don't know what I want anymore Bella. I don't know what to think or do. When I question myself to what I want, its blank. If I asked myself if I still want you, like I used to . . . its always the same answer. 'Hell yeah!' I left Bella, because you had him. I don't know why he would tell me that. It confuses me like all hell everyday.[/color]" He looked up to her, his eyes darkened and begging, before he looked away from her again. His hands were still shaking hard. He could hear and feel his blood beating harder and harder through his heart. He didn't know how to tell her how he felt. How much he wanted her at his side. " Bella, I have a friend back in New York. She loves, I know she does. I've heard her thoughts. She understands me, more than I even know myself and I know her just the same way . . . I'm protective as hell over her! We've been through so much together . . . haven't been so close to someone apart from you. But, I don't have any feeling for her outside of friendship. And I know why![/color]" He paused abruptly, his eyes slightly wide as he stared down at the dirt between them. He had almost told her everything he felt about her. The whole secret he had kept since he had turned into a werewolf. He shook his head. Not knowing what I say now. He hoped that she would ask him what he meant, but at the same time, he hoped that she wouldn't. He didn't want her to feel forced to be with him. He looked back to her when she questioned about the other. " He's fine, just tired. Rachel's with Paul. [/color]" he said quietly, still staring down at the ground. Words:: -- Notes:: -- Tags:: Bella Status:: Done Lyrics by:: Another Life - The Veroncias
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Post by Bella Swan on May 18, 2011 2:36:48 GMT 10
Bella couldn't deny what Jake was saying really. All that he had said was true. From how people changed thier minds to even vampires changed their minds. Was he implying that maybe that was what happened with Edward? She hadn't seen him yet, so it could be possible. She tried not to believe in that, but it was difficult. With a gulp of a swallow, she peered to Jake and softly nods. I know, I know people change their minds. I did that myself with the wedding. Jake, had I gone through with the wedding, would you of come? Be honest with me please.
She paused in her walk and leaned against a tree. Her eyes of brown fully capturing him. She was glad that at least he wasn't shaking any longer or so that she could tell. When he started talking about another woman in New York, she winced. Ouch. That was a bit hurtful, even if he was also saying she didn't hold his feelings. That he couldnt feel that way, but why? Of course she was going to ask and she did. Why Jacob? Tell me why please?
As for Sam and Rachael and her hearing they were fine, she was glad of this and smiled to that.
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